I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
