We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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