Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Randomize
