went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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