i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
