i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
