I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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