I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize