I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
