Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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