I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
