the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
