please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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