We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize