Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
