instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
