She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
