ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
