lets start a swedish sibling band together
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
