you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize