GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
