can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize