**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
