I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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