I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
porn star boner night. come get it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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