Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
