why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize