just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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