How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
