I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
