I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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