i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
