I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
