I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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