What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
