Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
