I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am available for nakedness
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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