So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
