dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
