that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
