Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
