I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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