Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
