I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
