porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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