i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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