i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
