Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
