i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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