when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
