I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
