??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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