I think I won the penis lottery.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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