The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
