are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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