Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
