what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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