the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
