I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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