Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize