I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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