You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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