Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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