Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
