One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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