Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just gargled with NyQuil
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
