I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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