I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
