I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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