I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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