OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
