in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
