Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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